It was only yesterday that I returned to religiously doing my morning devotions, and I was surprised with how God had immediately responded to my feelings. I miss doing this daily quiet moments and I guess God must also miss me too. I feel so loved.
I haven’t been pretty well emotionally these past days but my feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy were replaced by assurances of God’s love and pardon. I must confess that I have been doing things away from God and his directions. It’s actually not intended but by sheer busyness/laziness and a misconception of God’s love, I drifted away. I thought He would understand, and He did. He perfectly understood my weakness but He also showed the consequences of my actions — that I cannot do things well on my own. I wouldn’t be able to adequately perform my duties at home and at work if I relied on my strength alone. So, not so good things happened as they did, and I suffered. But today, just like yesterday, just like all those days in the past when I have been regularly spending time with God, His words directed me towards Him.
He showed me that I needed to abide in Him who is the true vine:
“I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit.” (John 15:1 ESV)
and on how I will be able to regain my joy:
“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.“ (John 15:9-11)
I guess all my unhappiness and pain stemmed from the fact that I did not abide in my Father’s love. And God, in his mercy and grace, did not allow me to drift any further. Did I not say yesterday that God used my pain to draw me to Himself?
Father, thank You for loving me too much — even if I am not always very lovable. Even if I am downright difficult. Thank You that You love me not because You have to but because You want to. May I love others as how you loved me.