On my knees

I recently read this post from Rica Peralejo-Bonifacio’s blog, and I found myself agreeing to all that she said about motherhood and all the worries that come with it. I am such a worry-wart when it comes to my little girl that every cough, cry, squirm, and mind you, fart, makes me paranoid. Believe me, I haven’t had a decent sleep ever since Day 1 especially because I have been co-sleeping with the baby and I just wouldn’t allow myself to fall into a deep sleep. What if my baby wakes and falls off the bed? What if she cries and I couldn’t hear her because I was away in lala-land? So it was such a relief for me to learn that I am not alone. And that I am not going crazy, because, hey, my feelings are perfectly normal. 

Feelings of inadequacy also make attacks on my self-esteem. As a first time mom, everything I experienced with Ikay are first-time experiences. I am so glad my own mom is here with me ever willing to lend a hand (most often, hands. And feet.) and I believe that her own experiences with me and my two other siblings have made her more level-headed and relaxed. I remember the time when I let Ikay take a bite from a banana and she took such a huge chunk she almost choked. I saw tears forming in my daughter’s eyes and I was literally screaming on my chair while my Nanay calmly pried baby’s mouth and took out the banana glob. I felt so useless. And pathetic. Gah. 

But I am learning. I have learned to be strong — emotionally and physically, as baby has already discovered the joys of walking on her own. Baby no more — I have a toddler!

Working and being a mom at the same time is hard work. And I must concede that I could not do all these on my own. I must exert extra effort and take the extra mile (aka sleep less) and make sacrifices along the way. If I boast of being able to efficiently multi-task at work, I should take this boasting to another level and work on juggling home and work together. I am determined to be the kind of wife and mother my family deserves  but I should stop talking about this and start praying.

On my knees. The road to being a superwo-mom starts on my knees.

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About Lynai

Wife to my first and only boyfriend, mom to a very active toddler, lawyer, teacher, and a pilgrim always in need of grace.
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