After reading this blog post by Pastor Joseph Bonifacio, I immediately thought about how I am faring in terms with communicating respect on my marriage. I’ve been married for a little over two years (we celebrated our 2nd anniversary just this month) but because my husband has to work in Bataan while I have to stay here in Iloilo City, we only get to see each other whenever there are long weekends and during holidays. I had never actually experienced how it is to cook for my husband, prepare his things for work, spend normal working days with him, do groceries together – basically normal things that normal, “together” couples do.
That is why I got to think how I have been doing in terms of giving respect to my husband. I do subscribe to that love and respect thing taught in the Bible (I have yet to read the book, though) and respect is something that I know I ought to give Gian since the time I said “I do”.
I wonder if my husband can feel my respect despite the distance. I wonder whether my choice of words and the tone with which I use whenever we get to talk over the phone (or chat online) reflect respect. I wonder whether the decisions I make or about to make show deference for my husband as the head of our family. Most of all, I wonder whether every time we have misunderstandings or arguments, I still express respect.
Pride has been one of my greatest weaknesses. It has always been a struggle for me to swallow my pride and say sorry. But since I want to communicate respect in everything that I do within my marriage, I have been taking pains in learning to ask for forgiveness (even though I feel that I am still right.) Oh, how I struggle. And I must admit that I also fail at this endeavor several times. For someone like me who is used to making decisions for herself and being confident with such decisions, it is always painful to submit to someone else’s authority. I feel like having a thorn lodged in my throat each time I know that I had to let someone else decide on things that I know I can manage to do by my own. Still, I cannot question this God-ordained authority because isn’t it a fact that God knows what is best?
Marriage (and motherhood) has been teaching me a lot of things. And I am sure that this will be a never-ending learning process. But I am willing to learn. I will commit to learn. For after all, my wedding vow wasn’t made to Gian alone — it was a covenant I made before my God.
I will continue to pray for grace.