At least, I’d like to think that I am. Sure, I am active on social media (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram) but my posts consist mainly of books, or of my baby, or random impersonal stuff. I may rant occasionally on Twitter about my personal feelings and thoughts, but more often than not these rants were all cryptic. So yes, I am very private when it comes to more serious and personal things such as my struggles, my disappointments, my pain. I would just keep these things to myself, my mind racing with a million thoughts. I used to blog then, when I was still active on my personal blog, or wrote them down in my journal, but my hands would often cramp with manual writing that I eventually got lazy.
So I just kept all my thoughts, my struggles, my confusion, my loneliness, to myself. I would cry out to God in the privacy of my personal devotions, but it wasn’t enough. I longed for a human – a more tangible presence – to pour my heart out to. But most, if not all, of my closest friends were away, and I didn’t want to disturb them with my issues. So I clammed up. And struggled by myself.
Because I lacked godly support and advice, I made rash and unintelligent decisions which caused me more heartbreak and pain. And worse, they made me feel guilty.
I have learned that bottling all these feelings inside me was not at all healthy.
I realized that people are made for other people. I am made for other people. This does not only mean that I should devote myself to acts of service for others. This also means that I should also make myself available for the acts of service of others. And this includes allowing myself to open my heart and share what troubles me, so that others may have the opportunity to bless me with what they are willing to share.
It is perfectly okay to seek help from other people. Grace should be given and it should be received as well.
So now I am willing to share — to give. And to receive. Of course, this does not mean that I would be all over the place announcing whatever ills me because this is contrary to my private nature (talking about my joys is a different matter altogether because I am not hesitant sharing about them, haha.) But starting now, I will learn to share my life – all of its ups and downs, the good and the bad – to people who really matter to me and whose advice and opinion I hold the highest regard. And it does not really matter whether they are near or far. For what use is the internet, anyway? 🙂